Real Free Hook Up Sites That Work

1. Real Free Hookup Sites That Work
2. Hook Up Sites That Work

When you’re feeling frisky, you don’t need to pay a matchmaker to get you in a relationship — all you need is the best hookup sites in town to introduce you to sexually active dates.

Best completely free hookup dating sites Hookup culture: Also known as free thing that has hook replaced real dating over. Hookup Tips is located at 400 Poydras Tower, 400 Poydras St, New Orleans, LA 70130. For all questions, please send us a message via email at email protected. This site is created particularly in order to provide reviews on numerous products plus services.

A hookup site can cut through the nonsense and casual daters to flirt with one another without holding anything back. Such an anything-goes, free-for-all atmosphere can stimulate one-night stands, threesomes, and other no-strings-attached sexual encounters.

Our dating experts have picked out some of our favorite sex-positive casual dating sites to help you get out there and make something happen. Most of these sites allow free communication, so active users can chat up a new sex partner any time they please.

Best Overall Adult Hookup Sites

Let’s get right down to the good stuff, shall we? We know you’re busy and have a lot to do, so, without further ado, here are the best hookup sites for adults on the prowl for a one-night stand or casual relationship.

Ashley Madison is a breath of fresh air for single or attached folks experiencing a sex slump. This exciting dating site and app offer tons of opportunities to mingle, match, flirt, and hook up discreetly. Over 54 million profiles await you on Ashley Madison, and it's free to create an anonymous account.

• Discreetly arranges one-night stands and extramarital affairs
• More than 54 million profiles worldwide
• Travel-friendly features for seeking matches in other cities
• Browse Ashley Madison profiles 100% free»

Ashley Madison is infamous for taking an anything-goes approach to the casual dating scene. The free hookup site supports married folks who want a casual fling on the down low. Active users can explore their sexual fantasies and meet a hookup partner in a private chat room.

Whether you’re single or not-so-single, you can use Ashley Madison as your personal hookup service, and no one will be the wiser. The online dating site has boasts millions of members and has created valuable features to help keep members out of the public eye. Its features include discreet payment options and cloaked app icons, and users can also choose to blur or mask their faces in photos on their Ashley Madison profiles.

When it comes to arranging hookups, BeNaughty is fast, easy, fun, and safe. This dating site has built a global network of sexy men and women who want to skip the small talk and cut right to the chase. If you're interested in short-term romance, BeNaughty is the place to go and get your flirt on.

• A global network of naughty singles over 18
• Ability to blur nude and explicit content, if desired
• Advanced search filters and one-on-one messaging
• Browse BeNaughty profiles 100% free»

BeNaughty is another popular choice in terms of casual sex sites. Not only is it free to join and adult hookup site and search for date prospects, but some free chat rooms will be available as well. The hookup website also offers free instant messaging to all female members.

In addition to its search features, BeNaughty has a Like Gallery where singles answer the question “Cute or Not?” and generate mutual matches on the spot. Only profiles with photos appear in the Like Gallery and search results, so you can upload a selfie to put yourself out there and attract attention. Naughty pictures are encouraged, but not required.

Instead of sending individual messages to tons of singles, BeNaughty members can choose to send a mass message to all active users who fit their dating criteria. This can be a good way to get the ball rolling with a tried-and-true pick-up line.

Registering for an account on Adult Friend Finder (AFF) is like speeding into the fast lane of the online dating world. This hookup site puts you in the center of action and encourages sexy singles and swingers to satisfy their secret fantasies. Anyone over 18 can join AFF and browse millions of profiles for free, but only full-fledged members have access to the revealing content in the community forums and chat rooms.

• One of the largest adults-only sex communities
• Free and fast registration process
• Dating forums and live chats foster live flirtation
• Browse Adult Friend Finder profiles 100% free»

Adult Friend Finder is one of the largest sex sites in the world with over 105 million dating profiles available. Every day, tens of thousands of sexually active folks hit up this site hoping to find romance. And they’re rarely disappointed.

AFF members can have a fantastic time navigating the hookup dating site’s dating forums, erotic blogs, private messages, and video chat. Whether you’re single or in a couple, you can create a kinky profile and declare yourself open for a one-night stand or casual encounter in the local sex scene.

Adult Friend Finder is an adults-only community, and the site’s X-rated content can appeal to adults of all sexual orientations and backgrounds.

FriendFinder-X offers sexy singles the gratifying experience of meeting hot dates within a few clicks. This hookup site is designed to excite people's imaginations and fill them with sexual energy. Whether you're chatting privately or in a group forum, singles and swingers can be upfront about their sexual desires, fetishes, and fantasies.

• A casual personals site for singles, couples, and groups
• Profiles have suggestive photos and strip tease videos
• Chat live via a two-way webcam or private messaging
• Browse FriendFinder-X profiles 100% free»

The tagline at FriendFinder-X is “where good girls do bad things,” and that pretty much sums up what goes on here. The dating site facilitates naughty conversations between men, women, couples, groups, and basically anyone seeking casual sex.

There is no need to play it coy on this hookup platform. Like-minded people head to FriendFinder-X in search of casual encounters, not relationships, and they won’t be offended if you invite them to bed within the first few messages.

As the hookup website says, “FriendFinder-X isn’t just a site; it’s a community of people looking to add a little more passion into their lives.”

If casual sex is your goal, then Flirt.com can be your wingman. This sex site offers anonymous browsing, advanced searches, and private communication, all for free, to help single men and women find a potential partner and arrange sexual encounters that satisfy their secret fantasies.

• A massive user base of over 70 million dating profiles
• Send a free private message or Flirtcast to get something going
• Exchange nude pics or adult videos with a Flirt member you trust
• Browse Flirt.com profiles 100% free»

Back in the 1990s, [Flirt.com launched and gave the online dating scene a flirtatious upgrade. This sex-positive dating site gets right down to business and allows single men and women to explore different romantic possibilities in a private and anonymous space.

Over 70 million people have joined Flirt.com in search of a casual fling, a sexual encounter, or even a long-term love interest. This hookup site is open to everyone, and it encourages users to have a flirty conversation with like-minded people online. Free members can send up to five greetings per day, and they can also blast out a FlirtCast — a pre-written flirty message — to all profiles that fit their dating requirements.

First impressions matter on Tinder. The dating app gives its users the chance to find romance by liking the photos and bylines of local singles. The app's casual atmosphere encourages flirty conversations that quickly lead to exchanging numbers or arranging in-person dates. Every week, Tinder facilitates over 1.5 million dates and hookups in 190+ countries.

• The dating app of choice for millions of sexually active singles
• Accelerating the dating process through swiping
• Has led to over 60 billion mutual matches
• Browse Tinder profiles 100% free»

Tinder is a no-brainer for this list of casual hookup sites. The dating app invented swiping, for crying out loud. Even though it’s technically not a dating website, Tinder is responsible for powering hookup culture as we know it today.

In 2012, Tinder became famous for facilitating hookups with its fast-paced matching system that emphasizes photos over demographic information or bios. It’s free to create a profile, make swipes, and send messages to mutual matches on Tinder, but you can also upgrade to Tinder Plus, Tinder Gold, or Tinder Platinum to get even more perks — such as five Super Likes per day and a Tinder Passport to swipe on dating profiles outside your city.

The Tinder app gives singles the opportunity to quickly sort through the dating scene and identify like-minded people they want to get to know better, if you know what I mean.

Match.com is an open-ended dating site where singles can make their own rules. Some are seeking heartfelt relationships that lead to marriage, while others just want to hook up. Sexy singles can hunt for a date by using Match's advanced search tools and live chat and video features. Unlike some other sites, Match doesn't restrict messaging to mutual matches, so you can woo anyone who strikes your fancy.

• Free profile browsing and liking
• Private chat rooms and video dates for Match members only
• Fast-working, time-tested AI match algorithm
• Browse Match.com profiles 100% free»

While Match is traditionally seen as a relationship-centric dating site, it actually doesn’t restrict singles from arranging casual dates and hookups. You can state your intentions in your profile and see if it attracts a sexual partner.

We like Match because it uses a time-tested match algorithm to pair up singles. The adult dating site looks at your demographics, profile information, and liking history to identity which profiles match up with you the best. If you want a fun dating experience, try mingling on Match.com as a free or premium member.

Note that only premium members can send unlimited messages on the site. However, free members have limited communication options that may be just enough to land a hot date or local hookup.

Zoosk is a fun-loving dating site where singles can let go of their inhibitions and attract dates one private message at a time. The site's varied search options and communication features facilitate fast connections in a unique social environment. Zoosk members are a chatty bunch, sending over 3 million messages a day, so you won't have to search far to find hookups here.

• Fast-paced dating scene available in 80 countries
• Full members can send unlimited messages
• Advanced search filters help you zero in on the hottest dates
• Browse Zoosk profiles 100% free»

As a socially savvy dating site, Zoosk excels at getting people talking in a fun online environment. From the moment you create a free profile, you will be surrounded by options to chat, like, and send virtual gifts to sexy singles.

When recommending date prospects, Zoosk uses a trademarked Behavioral Matchmaking system that relies on the user’s previous profile views and likes. That means that the more you like Zoosk profiles, the more accurate your matches will be.

Zoosk has over 40 million singles in its database, so you should find no shortage of people to chat up on this local hookup platform.People of every age, race, and sexual preference can hunt for a sexual partner in this space. A Zoosk profile could lead to a romantic encounter with an attractive sex partner in your neighborhood or city.

Plenty of Fish lowers the cost of romance by allowing casual daters to send private chats for free. It's easy to make a fast connection thanks to Plenty of Fish's free messaging system. On average, POF members send over 1 billion messages a month, and these chats often lead to romantic encounters in the real world.

• Free instant messages for all singles
• Over 150 million members in 20 countries
• The MeetMe section highlights local hotties
• Browse Plenty of Fish profiles 100% free»

Plenty of Fish touts itself as the best dating site for conversations, and, with over 1 billion messages sent each month on the site, we can’t disagree with that.

It’s 100% free to read and send messages on Plenty of Fish, and your conversations will never expire (unless you or your partner choose to delete it, of course). The free communication policy is the bedrock of Plenty of Fish’s success in the online dating scene, and many casual daters enjoy coming and going at will on the sex app and site.

By removing the barriers between people, Plenty of Fish has led to many romantic encounters and made over 57 million new connections every week. So feel free to join, chat, and hook up!

Best LGBT Hookup Sites

The LGBTQ+ community has taken to online dating like a rainbow fish to water, and it can be empowering for closeted or questioning individuals to take a turn around legit hookup sites and dating apps.

Gay and lesbian singles actually use dating sites more frequently than straight singles and only 63% say they’re interested in marriage. Everyone else is basically there to party.

The following gay and lesbian hookup sites can help queer and questioning singles seek the romantic trysts they most desire without outing themselves to the dating scene at large.

MenNation has tons of X-rated content to arouse the senses and stimulate conversation. The hookup site attracts single men and gay couples all over the world and has grown its network to include over 93 million people. Free members can browse these profiles for as long as they want and send flirts to anyone who catches their eye.

• A massive men-only sex and swinger community
• Browse profiles and send private messages to your favorites
• Profiles feature erotic videos and sexually explicit blogs
• Browse MenNation profiles 100% free»

Looking for hot dudes? MenNation has millions of options for you. This gay hookup site caters to gay singles and couples who want to meet local men and enjoy a sexual encounter.

MenNation isn’t the type of place where you find a committed partnership. It’s the type of place where you exchange dick pics as a conversation starter with a sugar daddy. Hookup culture is alive and well here.

Men don’t have to pretend they’re on MenNation for anything other than no strings attached sex and hookups, and that’s liberating for anyone with sex on the brain.

As part of Friend Finder Networks, LesbianPersonals is a fast-paced hookup site built to satisfy. The dating platform caters to women, straight couples, lesbian couples, and groups who are looking to enjoy lesbian sex. LesbianPersonals members can find romance in live video chats or instant message conversations and take things to the next level by exchanging contact information.

• Create a free profile in less than a minute
• Search filters can identify attractive singles and couples in the area
• Strip tease videos, revealing photos, and other adult content
• Browse LesbianPersonals profiles 100% free»

Now it’s time for the ladies. LesbianPersonals is our favorite hookup site for women because it doesn’t allow men to create a dating profile — unless they’re in a straight relationship and want a threesome. Still, the vast majority of profiles on LesbianPersonals were created by women seeking women, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Whether you’re lesbian, bisexual, queer, or questioning, you can set up a dating profile on LesbianPersonals.com without paying anything and peruse the local dating scene at your leisure.

On LesbianPersonals, a mature woman can gain confidence by using the adult hookup site’s instant messaging. Women can then take advantage of photo-sharing and two-way webcam features to establish a genuine connection with a hottie online. The video chat feature is a particularly fun way to encourage a quick hookup.

Grindr facilitates hookups by telling local singles where the hottest guys in town are and giving them a direct line of communication. It's easy to jump into this active dating pool and start flirting with gay and bisexual men near you.

• Sexually active men can create free profiles
• Matching system uses GPS information to find local dates
• Millions of prospects available in 192 countries
• Browse Grindr profiles 100% free»

As one of the top adult hookup sites for gay men, Grindr promises to connect men with dates who are just around the corner. “Zero feet away” is the sex app’s motto. Its location-based matching can facilitate a casual encounter and chat between men at the same bar, club, festival, or another social venue.

If you’re actively scoping out dates, Grindr can be an excellent wingman and give you the ability to break the ice with the hottie on the other side of the bar. Since its launch in 2009, Grindr has become one of the most successful all-men dating apps, and we encourage sexually active men to give its hookup service a try.

The Grindr app can work faster than the typical online hookup site because it uses a phone’s GPS data to identify which gay singles are on the prowl right now. As a result, Grindr matches often inspire instant communication and same-day dates with a potential hookup partner.

What is Considered Hooking Up?

Hooking up is going to mean different things to different people. Everyone draws the line at different places. Some people may say hooking up can mean spending the night with someone but not having straight-up sex, while others would say it only counts if you do the dirty.

Urban Dictionary defines hooking up as “casual sexual activity” and “any form of getting some type of action.” That can include making out, giving a handjob, going down on a person, or having casual sex. Basically, if it’s at all related to sex, it can count a casual hookup.

“Hooking up” can mean kissing, fooling around, or having sex.

When a person says they enjoyed an adult hookup, that can mean any number of things. It could be a sexual encounter, or it could be late-night snuggling. The ambiguity of the term can give some cover for singles or couples who don’t want to get too specific about what they were doing in the privacy of the bedroom.

As a HuffPost article says, “‘Hookup serves as a catch-all for everything from intercourse to passing out while spooning.”

What is the Best Alternative to Craigslist Personals?

Craigslist shut down its personals section in 2018 in response to growing pressure from lawmakers in the U.S. As a way of preventing online sex trafficking, Congress passed a bill that would allow law enforcement officials to hold a sex hookup website responsible for the actions of its users, and that wasn’t a risk Craigslist was willing to take.

However, many other adults dating sites and casual hookup apps have arisen to fill that gap. Pernals, for instance, uses a similar setup as Craigslist personals (and it has a similar name, too) and offers singles the chance to post ads for dates, hookups, and other casual encounters in their area. CasualX is another one of the top adult hookup sites designed to be a free hookup alternative for former Craigslist personals members.

Reddit r4r is a personals site where singles can meet new friends, find dates, and even arrange a casual fling if they play their cards right. This community is for general networking, but dating tends to be a major part of the conversation.

Finally, while Craigslist isn’t in the quick hookup and dating game officially anymore, the site does have sections where singles mingle with one another. Most notably, in the Missed Connections section. You can meet new friends or enjoy casual encounters in this free forum.

Is Tinder Just a Hookup App?

Tinder has become more than just a free hookup app in the last few years. It is a singles chat room where anything can happen. Tinder’s swiping features have led to a rise in hookup culture now fueled by online dating sites and apps everywhere. But the dating app has also helped singles get in real relationships and make new friends.

This casual dating app has created over 60 billion matches since 2012, and, sure, some of those were dead-ends, but others led to sexual awakenings, romantic experiences, and fulfilling relationships. Reddit users have shared these real-life Tinder love stories as proof that the dating app can lead to meaningful connections that go way beyond a casual relationship.

Tinder is one of the most effective dating sites for casual and serious daters.

Tinder has over 50 million users who log in for all sorts of reasons, not just an online hookup. According to one survey, 44% of college-aged users said they were on Tinder looking for confidence-boosting procrastination and only 22% wanted a quick local hookup. That just goes to show that there’s more to Tinder than meets the eye.

Yes, many singles see Tinder as a free hookup app, but its dating tools can help iOS and Android users with more serious intentions as well.

How Do You Initiate a Hookup?

If you’re dating someone and you want to turn up the heat, you can make subtle suggestions to see how your sexual partner feels. You could suggest watching a movie and ask if it’s O.K. to turn out the lights or watch in bed. If your date is snuggling close to you or starts trying to make out during the movie, that’s a good signal that a quick hookup could be in your future.

Initiating an online hookup can be a little trickier on mainstream dating sites. You won’t really know if a new person is going to be open to your advances until you’ve made your play. Their dating profile may say they’re “up for anything,” but they may not find your compliment flattering or your online dating profile attractive. You may just not be their type. Don’t worry, though — because legit hookup sites and sex apps offer plenty of opportunities to try again and get better at turning sexual fantasies into realities.

You can try using a flirty pick-up line on free hookup websites to see where your match’s head is at, or you can straight-up say what kind of casual encounter you’re looking for and see if he or she is down.

What Are the Best Adult Dating Sites

As part of the Friend Finder network, Adult Friend Finder is one of the most popular free hookup websites in the market. Hookup dating is a way of life for the singles and swingers in these adults-only chat rooms.

Other adult hookup dating websites can’t compare to this fast-working and sex-positive environment, which has over 100 million users worldwide.

Adult Friend Finder is among the longest-running and the largest sex communities in existence with tens of millions of profiles to its name. The hookup site has over 93 million members, many of whom are actively searching for flings, threesomes, and other sexual experiences. AFF members can feel free to discuss their desires, fetishes, and sexual preferences in the live chat rooms and dating forums.

• A global community of single women and swinger couples
• More than 25 million monthly users
• Free unlimited browsing of hot profiles
• Browse Adult Friend Finder profiles 100% free»

AFF’s sexy friend finder tools encourage hookup dating, and you can get into the mix of things in the chat rooms with video chat features at your fingertips. You don’t even have to pay anything to create an AFF account and take a look around using the search filters and blog section.

Are Free Hookup Websites Legit?

Yes, many dating websites have legitimately supported hookup culture and kept scammers and fake profiles out of the mix. Casual dating has become more common thanks to swiping sex apps, and people can go online to explore their sexual fantasies in a safe, anonymous space.

Online dating sites can facilitate hookup dating by offering an endless dating pool of potential matches and chat options. Plus, if you’re on an adult hookup app like DOWN or Tinder, you can get things moving even more quickly by soliciting sex upfront.

DOWN is one of the most popular sex apps for local adults because it fosters real-time matching and chatting without any superfluous features. Singles can get down to business quickly on this free hookup app, and they can protect their privacy as they pick up dates. Read our full review of DOWN to learn more about its features and success rates.

Is OkCupid a Good Free Hookup App?

OkCupid has been forever free since it launched as a dating site in 2004. Anyone over 18 can create an OkCupid dating profile, answer personal questions about themselves, and start browsing for matches online. Chatting is 100% free, but only mutual matches can respond to messages on OkCupid. That means someone has to like your profile for you to engage in a conversation.

OkCupid is a decent hookup app — it definitely won’t cost you a fortune, but you may run into a fair share of relationship seekers along the way.

OkCupid inspires dates and relationships by identifying specific areas of compatibility. The dating site and app has an endless questionnaire that allows single men to express who they are and what matters to them. OkCupid uses this treasure trove of information to generate highly accurate match recommendations and compatibility ratings.

• Men can leave a message to anyone they fancy
• A sophisticated match algorithm developed by Harvard math majors
• The site and app facilitate over 50,000 dates every week
• Browse OkCupid profiles 100% free»

One of the things we like about OkCupid is that it straight-up asks online daters what they’re looking for online. If you’re mostly interested in short-term dating and casual hookups, you can put that on your profile and let potential matches know what they’re in for.

As a free hookup site and app, OkCupid is definitely one of the most cost-effective options for casual daters on a budget. Its personality-driven service can lead to hookups as well as deep relationships. In fact, OkCupid leads to over 50,000 dates per week and over 91 million online matches per year.

Can I Find Adult Hookups on eharmony?

Signs point to no. While eharmony is one of the most popular overall dating sites and apps around, its members are more likely interested in long-term relationships and marriage than meaningless sex with strangers.

The founding mission of eharmony is to strengthen marriages by helping compatible partners meet online, and its personality test prioritizes innate compatibility over physical chemistry. Free eharmony users can’t even see photos unless they pay for a monthly subscription.

Since its launch in 2000, eharmony has endeavored to find the formula for love. Its 32-dimension personality test uses psychological truths to identify areas of compatibility between two individuals. The dating site's mission is to foster relationships that last, and every potential match has a reason behind it.

• Over 2 million people have found love here
• Users can filter their match recommendations by age or city
• Compatibility Quiz identifies common interests, lifestyles, and goals
• Browse eharmony profiles 100% free»

Over 2 million couples in the U.S. have fallen in love thanks to eharmony, and the dating site creates a new love match every 14 minutes.

While it’s possible to get dates and have casual sex thanks to eharmony, the majority of people you meet here will likely want more substantial commitment and conversation than you’re willing to give. Plus, it’ll cost more to find dates on eharmony than the average free hookup site or app, so only join eharmony if you’re truly invested in meeting quality singles near you.

How Does Casual Dating on Facebook Work?

Facebook recently unveiled Facebook Dating as a way to turn the social media global network into a flirtatious frenzy. Just beware of being friend zoned!

You can only access Facebook Dating an your iOS or Android device, and you’ll sign up directly from the Facebook app. You don’t need to download any additional app. The service is built-in and fully functional as a chatting and matching space. You can use information from your Facebook account, including photos, to complete your Facebook Dating profile.

Facebook Dating activity does not show up in newsfeeds or on Facebook profiles, so no one except you and your matches will know you’re using this dating app. You can also identify crushes in your Facebook friends list, and you’ll receive a notification if that person likes you back.

Facebook Dating is a new dating app designed exclusively for Facebook users.

Facebook Dating is still new to the online dating scene, so it doesn’t have the same time-tested match algorithms you’ll find on apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Match.com. The free dating network doesn’t have as large of a user base either — yet.

It’s easy to casually pick up dates on the Facebook Dating platform. You simply send likes, grow your matches list, and engage in chats with people who like you back. I received more than 100 likes within my first day with a Facebook Dating account, so I can promise you’ll certainly have a lot of date options at your disposal in this chat room.

Adults Are Free to Have Casual Sex on Hookup Sites

Not everyone enters the dating scene hoping to find a one-true love. Many casual daters would happily settle for a one-night stand. If you fall into the latter category, then legit hookup sites will be your best bet for success.

We’ve reviewed dozens of adult dating sites to help you get a feel for the best options for finding a local hookup, but you don’t have to stick to our list to meet a new sex partner online.

There are over 8,000 online dating services in the world, and any one of them could connect you with sexy people seeking a no strings attached date. Ask your Facebook friends which sites they like, or read dating websites reviews to get a better feel for how a hookup platform works. You should feel free to explore the online dating scene and make romantic overtures until you find your sweet spot on the best hookup sites that work for you. Have fun!

This article was co-authored by Jessica Engle, MFT, MA. Jessica Engle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009, after receiving her Master's in Counseling Psychology. Jessica is also a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Registered Drama Therapist with over 10 years of experience.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Hooking up with a friend can be a lot of fun. After all, you already know you like them! Before you hook up, just be clear about what your expectations and boundaries are. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be a long, deep conversation. Just let your friend know what you’re interested in. Start flirting with them, and if they seem into it, see where things go. Remember that it’s important to protect both your emotional and physical safety. You can do that by being honest and keeping lines of communication open. Also, remember to have fun!

Steps

Method 1 of 3:

Pursuing a Casual Hook Up

1. 1
   Decide if you are okay with an informal sexual relationship. Hooking up may sound fun and easy, but it rarely comes without emotions. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and hook up without really thinking it through. But try to think clearly about how you will feel the next day. If you anticipate feeling good about your decision, go for it!^[1]

   • When you’re out with a group you can drop this information into the conversation. Try, “Sounds like you had fun last weekend! I’d love to have a no-strings-attached thing like that with someone cool.”
2. 3
   Talk to your friend about your expectations. Before hooking up, take a minute to explain to your friend what you want. This doesn’t have to be a long, in-depth talk. But before things get physical, make it clear that you are looking for a casual hook up, not a relationship.^[3]

   • You could try, “I’m really into you, but before we go any further, you should know that I’m not looking to date you. Is it okay with you if this is just some casual fun?”
3. 4
   Clearly state your boundaries to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Let the other person know if there are things that you are not comfortable with. This might include physical acts or talking to others about the hook up. If you state your boundaries upfront, this can prevent things feeling awkward mid-hookup.^[5]

   • Send a close friend a text that says something like, “Hey, I’m leaving this party to go to Brad’s. He and I are going to hang by ourselves for a while. Would you mind checking in with me around midnight to make sure I made it home okay?”
   • Even if you’re not planning on hooking up, it’s a good idea to let someone know where you are whenever you’re out at night or venture away from the group you went out with.
4. 6
   Practice safe sex to avoid STDs or unwanted pregnancy. If you want a hook up to just be fun and casual, take care to make sure that you aren’t left with any unwanted effects. Use condoms if you intend to have sex, even oral sex. If you’re female, you might consider taking additional birth control.^[7]
5. 3
   Talk openly about your boundaries and expectations. Maybe things will go your way right off the bat. Before you know it, you and your friend might be kissing. But before it goes any further, take a minute to let them know what you are looking for. Explain what your personal and physical boundaries, and what you want to get from hooking up with them.^[10]

   • You could say something silly like, “I would have done this sooner if I knew kissing you would be like this!”
   • You can also just say, “Um, I’m enjoying this a lot, but it’s a little awkward, isn’t it?” That can really lighten the mood.
6. 5
   Accept “no” as an answer if the other person is not interested. If you’ve flirted and maybe even suggested a hook up, you might assume your friend is into it. However, if they say “no” or make any other sort of excuse, you need to respect that. While you might feel disappointed, your friend has a right to make this decision.^[12][14]

   • If you’re happy, great! Carry on. If you’re experiencing negative emotions, you might consider stopping hooking up.
7. 2
   Talk honestly about your feelings. Even though you and your friend aren’t in a traditional relationship, it’s still helpful to communicate.^[16]

   • You can try saying something like, “I’m really having fun with you. How are you feeling about hooking up?”
   • You could also say, “I feel like things are kind of awkward now when we hang out in a group. I think we should stop hooking up.”
8. 3
   Allow a relationship to develop if you both want it to. You might realize that you are interested in being more than friends with benefits. If that’s the case, tell your friend how you feel. Likewise, be open and honest if your friend initiates the conversation about taking things further. If you both want more, discuss what that means to each of you.^[18]

   • For example, you might both decide that you want to formalize your relationship. That might mean that you tell other people that you are dating. It could also mean that you start spending more time together doing other things you enjoy.
   • Your relationship is up to you and your friend, and you are the only ones that have the right to define it.

Expert Q&A

• How do you ask a friend for a casual hookup?

  Jessica Engle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009, after receiving her Master's in Counseling Psychology. Jessica is also a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Registered Drama Therapist with over 10 years of experience.

  Relationship Coach

  It's really helpful to talk about it openly with your friend. Talk about what you're both wanting or expecting, and also discuss what you'd do if one of you decided you didn't want to continue a physical or romantic relationship.
• Can you still be friends with someone you hook up with?

  Jessica Engle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009, after receiving her Master's in Counseling Psychology. Jessica is also a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Registered Drama Therapist with over 10 years of experience.

  Relationship Coach

  Relationships are always changed when you add a physical or romantic component. However, that change can be really lovely, and for some people it really deepens the friendship. For others, they find that's not what they want to do with their friends, but the key to navigating that is to have open communications.

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Tips

• Don’t worry about what other people think. This relationship is between you and your friend.
  Thanks!
• It’s okay to stop hooking up whenever you want to.
  Thanks!

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References

1. ↑https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/today-s-couples-and-families/201807/ok-we-hooked-what-happens-now
2. ↑https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-initiate-friends-with-benefits
3. ↑Jessica Engle, MFT, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 10 February 2021.
4. ↑https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/hooking-and-friends-benefits/
5. ↑https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/hooking-and-friends-benefits/
6. ↑https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/hooking-and-friends-benefits/
7. ↑https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/hooking-and-friends-benefits/
8. ↑https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-initiate-friends-with-benefits
9. ↑https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201402/how-flirt-and-be-attractive

10. ↑https://www.rookiemag.com/2015/06/how-to-hook-up-with-your-friends/
11. ↑https://www.rookiemag.com/2015/06/how-to-hook-up-with-your-friends/
12. ↑https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/hooking-and-friends-benefits/
13. ↑Jessica Engle, MFT, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 10 February 2021.
14. ↑https://www.hercampus.com/sex-relationships/dating/what-really-happens-when-you-hook-friend
15. ↑https://www.rookiemag.com/2015/06/how-to-hook-up-with-your-friends/
16. ↑Jessica Engle, MFT, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 10 February 2021.
17. ↑https://www.pride.com/lovesex/2019/4/13/how-end-hookup-friend-and-still-be-friends#media-gallery-media-5
18. ↑Jessica Engle, MFT, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 10 February 2021.
19. ↑https://www.hercampus.com/sex-relationships/dating/what-really-happens-when-you-hook-friend

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